Feckin' Ebay scammers...

I am on the lookout for a car and decided to have a look on Ebay as more and more cars are apprently being sold there.
I came across a very nice Volvo XC90 being offered for a very low price. It looked improbable to me but I decided to contact the seller anyway.
A few hours later I received this reply:

Thank you for your interest in my car. It is in perfect working condition. My experienced tech has fully checked out this car and gives it a special high rating. It has a CLEAR and CLEAN TITLE a great history and mechanically without any problems ever, safety check and pre-delivery inspection along with a fresh servicing before I ship or deliver the vehicle. The problem is that in the meanwhile I had to move with my family in Seville Spain where I got a new job as a construction engineer. I brought the car here with me with the intention of driving it but when I found out about the very high import duties and all the restrictions regarding registration and emissions tests here. I have made up my mind and decided to sell the vehicle. The price is final, 8850 euros shipping directly to your address included.We will make the deal via eBay and I will need your full name and shipping address to proceed.

I this point I wisely decided to not pursue this any further as it clearly reeked of a scam.
The next day I came across another car that got my interest; a nice 2003 Landrover Defender. Again I fired of an email to the seller asking for more details and a indication of the reserve.
Following is his/her reply:

The Defender is in perfect working condition.
My experienced Land Rover tech has fully checked out this car and gives it a special high rating has a CLEAN TITLE a great history and mechanically without any problems ever safety check and pre-delivery inspection along with a fresh servicing before I ship or deliver the vehicle.
The problem is that in the meanwhile I had to move with my family in Netherlands where I got a new job as a construction engineer.I brought the car here with me with the intention of driving it but when I found out about the very high import duties and all the restrictions regarding registration and emissions tests here I have made up my mind and decided to sell the vehicle.The amount you will have to pay in order to own this vehicle is £5,000 with shipping costs included!
Also, I take in consideration only those buyers who are really interested in buying the car,so be sure that I don't waste my time with endless discussions. This way, I shall be assured of your serious intentions. I only use eBay approved payment methods for this kind of transaction.
Let me know if you are still interested.

I am sure that you can hear the alarm bells ringing. Again a fairly new car being offered for a very low price and a similar story with only a few details changed. At this point I decided that it was time to have a bit of fun with this person.
I sent back the following message:
Hello,

Will you give me a discount if I buy the Volvo XC-90 that you have advertised also?
Also which of the two vehicles is best suited for commuting from Spain to the Netherlands as you must do a fair bit of driving.

Regards, Idi Amin.

Surprisingly I did receive a reply

Hi again,
As I said in my first email the car is currently located in
Netherlands and it will be shipped from here by water.You will get
the car to the nearest port in your area and then it will be trucked
forward to your place.
Usually shipment takes maximum 10 days depending on your location
and will be fully insured against damages,shipped in a crated
container. Total price of the car including all shipping costs and
insurance all the way to your place is 5000 GBP.
The most important thing in all my activity here is that I am
affiliated with eBay where I have a purchase protection account for
20,000. eBay is the insurer of this transaction by using a certified
third party to insure that both parties comply to transaction
requirements.

In order to notify eBay I will need buyer's full name and shipping
address so I can open a transaction case and they will contact you
for further details and instructions.

Regards!

My reply was:

Albert,

I want to purchase this vehicle.
How do I proceed?


Obviously he took the "bait"



Hi,

If you are interested in buying the car please send me your full name and shipping address so I can open a case with ebay and declare you as buyer.As soon as I have your details I will ask ebay to contact you and let you know what you have to do regarding this sale.

Thanks,

A nice exchange continued:

Albert,

You have my name already.
My address is: 69, Pog ma hone, Bangmyringasskiddy, Co. Leprechaun, Ireland.

Regards,

To my amazement he did not question the ludicrous address:

Hey,

Got your info and already sent it to eBay hoping they will contact you in a few minutes with all the details.
After you will hear from them please email me back because I need to know for sure if this is a done deal!

Hoping to hear from you soon,
Nice doing business with you.

I will just post the verbatim exchange below, replies from Mr. Albert Wagner are in italics and my messages are in bold.

Same here Albert.
It's an absolute pleasure doing business with you!

Please let me know if you got the eBay invoice?
Thanks,

Albert,

No, I haven't.
Can you please follow this up for me.
I'm eager to buy the car and have the money waiting.

Regards,

After this I received a fake (but very convincing) Ebay invoice. Shame that they used non-ebay email addresses as reply to..

The transaction must be completed as eBay has advised you in the payment confirmation.I already declared you as buyer and the transaction must be completed as they have advised.
Please let me know when you'll be able to make the payment so i can know when I should start the shipping process.

Thanks,
Albert

Albert,

I just received the invoice.
I have friends in Amsterdam, can they collect the vehicle?

The transaction must be completed as eBay has advised you in the payment confirmation.I already declared you as buyer and the transaction must be completed as they have advised.
Please let me know when you'll be able to make the payment so i can know when I should start the shipping process.

Thanks,
Albert

Albert,

I am a bit reluctant to pay the money to someone that I do not know via Western Union.
Is it safe?
How do I know who to send the money to and that you will get it?


This deal is 100% legit.As you can clearly see in the eBay invoice you are fully protected in this transaction.That's why I choosed to handle this deal trough ebay because they will guarantee for this transaction.
They will keep the money in a safe place until you receive and test the car.
In the eBay invoice you'll find all the steps that you need to complete the payment,also overthere you'll find my name and address,please let me know if you got them?
If not you can email to eBay and ask them to provide you further information at: ebay@protection-account.com

Please email me as soon as posible.
Thanks,
Albert

Albert,

OK, the instructions that I received from Ebay tell me to pay via Western Union.
I've contacted my local Western Union office and they have asked me for the details of the receiver.
What details should I use?

Regards,

Here you have the details that you should use as receiver:
Name: Albert Wagner
Address: Appolou 23 B,Amsterdam,1077,Netherlands

I thought eBay has already sent you this information.Please let me know when you have done the payment.
I have just one more request for you: when you will go to western union and wire the money, please don`t tell them that you send the money to buy a car , because they will ask us to pay additional high fees. We can avoit that if you can simply tell them that you send the money to a friend or a relative. I hope you understand and thank you in advance.

Regards !

Albert,

I have just sent the payment.
How do we proceed from here?

You have to send the payment details to eBay at eBay@protection-account.com so they cand verify and inform me to start the shipping process.

Thanks,

Albert,

I have just done that.

Regards,

Did you've made the payment?I didn't receive any email from you?Did you've sent the details to eBay so they can verify and inform me to start the shipping?

Please email me as soon as posible.

Thanks,

Albert,

I did all that over an hour ago and send you an email also.
Please confirm that everything is in order.

Regards,

At this point the guy is entering in a feeding frenzy and gets really eager for me to transfer the money. His grammar and use of English also has me convinced that he is of African descesnt..

I've asked eBay if you did sent them the payment details and they said you did not sent any payment details????
What is this???Are you serious????
You have to send them the payment details(a scann paper of the receipt from western union) at eBay@protection-account.com so they can verify and inform me to start the shipping details.
Once again,please send the payment details to eBay if you really make it.

Thanks,
Albert

Albert,

I did exactly as you instructed me.
I made the payment in your name at my local Western Union office and emailed all requested details to the email address provided.
Why are you pretending that I didn't?
You told me that this was an absolutely secure method.
Please respond ASAP.

Regards,

I'm saying that you did not send the payment details to eBay because I did get in contact with them and they said you didn't send them the payment details????
Can you send me a scann paper of the receipt from Western Union so I can see that you really make it???
Regards,
Albert

I decided to really mess with his head and went to the EbolaMonkeyman website and copied one of the Nigerian scam emails and send it to him..

Albert,

I still want to purchase this vehicle however in order to be able to release the money to do so I need your assistance with a specific matter.Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. I am a Branch Manager at one of the standard trust bank Nigeria Plc,Lagos. A foreigner, Late Nicholas Owen, a Civil engineer/Contractor with the federal Government of Nigeria, until his death three years ago in a ghastly air crash, banked with us here at the standard bank plc,Lagos. He had a closing balance of USD$25.5M (Twenty five Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) which the bank now unquestionably expects to be claimed by any of his available foreign next of kin. Or,alternatively be donated to a discredited trust fund for arms and ammunition at a military war college here in Nigeria. Fervent valuable efforts made by the standard trust bank to get in touch with any of late Nicholas Owen_s next of kin (he had no wife and children)has been unsuccessful. The management under the influence of our chairman and board of directors, are making arrangement for the fund to be declared "UNCLAIMABLE " and then be subsequently donated to t! he trust fund for Arms and Ammunition which will further enhance the course of war in Africa and the world in general. In order to avert this negative development. Myself and some of my trusted colleagues in the bank, now seek for your permission to have you stand as late Nicholas Owen_s next of kin. So that the fund (USD$25.5M), would be subsequently transferred and paid into your bank account as the beneficiary next of kin through our overseas corresponding bank. All documents and proves to enable you get this fund have been carefully worked out and we are assuring you a 100% risk free involvement. Your share would be 30% of the total amount. While the rest would be for me and my colleagues for purchase of properties in your country through you/your Company. If this proposal is OK by you, then kindly supply me with the follwoing information so that we can expedite this transaction:


1. THE NAME OF YOUR BANK
2. THE BANK ADDRESS
3. THE BANK ACCOUNT
4. THE BANK ROUTING/SWIFT CODE
5. THE BANK BENEFICIARY
6. YOUR COMPANY NAME
7. YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE,FAX AND MOBILE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.

Looking forward to your reply,

Regards, Robert Mugabe.

I could almost hear his brain do a backflip!
His reply followed within minutes:

What is this email???Are you serious?
Please email me as soon as posible.

Albert,

I am absolutely serious.
I am also emailing you as requested.
I will need to confirm your identity before I can proceed.
Will you please send me a picture of yourself?
In order to make sure that it is you I would like to you to hold up a sign with the words: "ILIKE THECUMOFSUMYUNGGUY".
That will be sufficient proof for me to proceed with the payment.
Please respond ASAP.

Regards,

His reply is absolutely priceless....

you are a fucking scammer and I will report you to ebay and authorities.

There was only one more thing left to say:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
F**k you monkeyboy!

Regards, The last king of Scotland.

Boy that was FUN!!!

E.