Saturday, August 05, 2006

Irish eyes are smilling...

Take a smattering of London based Irish travellers, stir in a shovel, sledgehammer, crowbar and a safe containing £2 million worth of valuables. Add a Russian millionaire, expensive cars and a bloke called "Fat Ron".
Let all this simmer for a while and you get this!
Can anyone say "lock, stock & two smoking barrels" part II?!


Friday, August 04, 2006

Anyone missing a bridge?

Just came across this add on
This is classic and is one of those things that you really only see in Ireland.
No explanation, no nothing. Bridge for sale, stone, period!
And get this: "Entrance at both sides"!
Of course there is only one way to find out more; I have to call PJ....
And by god I will call PJ right after my first cup of coffee tomorrow morning.
More to follow...

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Is the Internet steam-powered?

I am sooooo fed up with being on dialup!
When I first moved back to Ireland last year I thought that it would not be such a pain in the behind to get broadband.
OK, so I do not live in the center of Dublin. So what! If the North of this island can have 99% broadband coverage why is it so hard?
I initially settled on satellite broadband because it was the only short term solution. I choose Aramiska as provider because I had dealt with them before and they had been around for years making it a safe bet in my opinion. Even though it took a few weeks before they installed the big feck of disk on the side of the house and another week or so of tweaking before the system worked correctly I was happy as Larry.
The connection fluctuated around a respectable 2Mbps down and half a meg up.
Then after a few months I suddenly receive an email notifying me that Aramiska is seizing operations and the network would be shut down in 2 hours from the time this email was sent.
And that was it. Not a bit was coming down the pipe. I put my ear to the disk and there was absolute silence.....
Over the coming weeks I resorted to not using Internet access at home and just availing of the DSL line in the office. I was inundated with calls from ISP's that had somehow gotten their grubby hands on Aramiska's customer database and that all wanted to sell me a broadband connection. None of them where of course able to supply it where I lived.
Then, good news!
Aramiska's assets and network were bought by a new owner and revived under the brilliantly chosen name "OURANUS".
The new owners where French of course!
So I was back on the broadband wagon and the bits & bytes where flowing freely again. I was only slightly worried about the fact that these ouranus lads had not contacted me or requested me to sign a new subscription agreement.
So I was happily surfing away for another few months when suddenly my connection went completely dead again. Obviously I was straight on the phone to the your-anus people only to be informed that I had been disconnected because I hadn't paid my invoice. I explained to them that this might have been due tot he fact that they hadn't sent me an invoice. The friendly lady explained that that was OK (?) but that I still had to pay it before they could reconnect me.
I then asked her to send me:

  1. a contract
  2. an invoice
  3. bank details for payment

I think that she mis-understood me when she said "yes, thank you and goodbye" and hung up...
And that's it, in spite of several phone calls and emails I have not received any of the above so I do not know how much I should pay, where to send the money or what I am paying for.
Ooh yes, and in case I forgot to mention; i'm back on fecking dailup!
It's fecking despicable, the government is spending €500k on a "broadband awareness campaign" and I (and I am sure I am not the only one) can't even get decent affordable broadband. Bunch of fecking kettle-heads!


Penis extensions...

I got a few more spams emails offering me "all natural" penis extensions today.
A few more and my knob-end will have reached the shores of Wexford!
I just wonder why they emphasise the "all-natural" element of it. How else would one extend ones penis?
Plastic? Stainless steel? Or maybe one of those new-fangled, lightweight composite materials that all them bicycles in the tour de France seemed to be made off.
And then they say that a man's car is his penis extensions. It's bicycles I tell you! Bicycles!